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Dodge City Daily Globe - Dodge City, KS
by Steve Moody
Ouch! ~ That Smarts!
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By Steve Moody
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By Steve Moody
Sept. 19, 2013 12:01 a.m.

old-age-heart-physical“Okay, drop your drawers.”

That was the orders the Doc gave me as he started to put on his latex gloves to examine my groin. But, one glance at my protrusion resulted in a putting away of the gloves. “Yep, that's a hernia” was all he said.

So, what's our options Doc? Surely a few strips of gray duct tape with a bit of rest will take care of things. I mean let's be honest, there's simply nothing that duct tape can't fix.

Unfortunately, the good Doc hadn't heard of the DT&R Duct Tape and Rest treatment plan. His plan was also a three syllable, but it was a bit different. It was called SM&R – Surgery with Mesh and Rest.

What's crazy is my injury didn't seem to be caused by a significant effort – even though the patient was obese. But, I guess the thousands of lifts in the past might have led to this “deal breaker.”

So, I complied. Tomorrow is the Big Day.

I then told the nurse my plan of going right back to work after surgery. She explained that post-surgery I would feel like a horse kicked me in my privates. Furthermore, she told me that my private parts would turn a shade of KState purple.

That vivid description made my groin ache which caused me to rethink my plan. My new plan is to skip back to the office “bright and cheery” early Monday morning.

It's hell getting old!

*I will have weight restrictions for up to six weeks. I still plan on responding to emergencies, but must comply with the weight restrictions so I don't have a return trip. One ouch is enough.


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