Well, it seems that the latest elixir to extend life is a little known vegetable called kohlrabi. Past fountain of youth vegetables and fruits have been rutabaga, cabbage, brussels sprouts, blueberries and raspberries. Garlic, onions and mushrooms, particularly shitake, were contenders for helping some medical problems, and so was yogurt. Yogurt has been touted as a food that is ingested by certain ethnic groups that have been found to live into their hundreds.

Most dairy products have been demonized for quite some time now. Milk in particular is supposed to be the cause of many ills, and we have been warned by those “in the know” to stay away, especially from whole milk. I’m sure there are individuals who have milk allergies or intolerance to lactose. But when milk became the target of the “fat busters,” fat was extrapolated because it added to calories. Now the newest info is that taking out the fat increases the sugar content. Sugar as we all know now is at the top of the list when it comes to no-no’s. The irony is that Dr. Oz recently encouraged people to drink whole milk due to the fact that skimmed had too much sugar in it. Because of all the dairy hoopla, millions of kids have been given juice and other sugary drinks, which are known to increase cavities, insulin and a host of other issues.

Make sure you bring a shroud to cover your grocery cart, because you don’t want anyone to see if you have bread, muf?ns, pasta or anything that might have wheat in it. If you buy ice cream, be very discreet, because there is always someone in the checkout line who will tell you that several of the ingredients have been found to cause bubonic plague in muskrats. I keep wondering how my mother and grandparents managed to live into their 90s eating pasta every day alongside a big hunk of bread. I certainly have had my share, and so have my children. I probably should not disclose this information since there might be a jail term or ?ne for this kind of behavior.

I don’t know about you, but I’m sick to death of prophets of doom and gloom that consistently inundate us with what food is on the most-wanted list and which one we should want! Most of us should be aware by now that huge portions of meat, sugar products, fat and anything that has ingredients that you can’t pronounce are not healthy. But if you want to be a trendsetter and believe you can outlive the rest of us, by all means go out a buy a bushel of kohlrabi.

Author, humorist, PBS star and Fortune 500 trainer Loretta LaRoche lives in Plymouth, Mass. To share your pet peeves, questions or comments, write to The Humor Potential, 50 Court St., Plymouth, MA 02360. Visit her website at www.stressed.com.