In less than a week we are in November.
Next Tuesday is Halloween, next Wednesday is November 1 and I’m dizzy just thinking about it. I haven’t bought a bag of Halloween candy yet and it’s almost obsolete. Without children in the house — thank God — the passing of time seems to have sped up. Wasn’t it just yesterday I was asking for a dome to be placed around Dodge City so that I would always be warm? It was just last week I implored the drivers of southwest Kansas to turn their lights on during a fog or rain shower, right?
I noticed some of my co-workers decorating the office the other day, but I didn’t recognize it was for Halloween. I honestly thought they were just trying to distract customers from realizing the 1970s are alive and well and living in our workspace.
Most of you have been in our office, you know what I mean. I keep expecting a young Dick Clark to come walking around the corner. Maybe I dated myself there, guess I went too far.
By now, those of you who read this column every week (and I appreciate it, believe me) know that pie is all mighty during Thanksgiving time and that it infuriates me when Christmas encroaches upon Halloween and pie day.
Some might remember Thanksgiving is special because my father and I hunted pheasant each year for Thanksgiving dinner when I was younger. Some might recall I eat ham every year, not turkey, because there’s something about eating a slow-cooked pork product that turkey will never touch.
You will also recall the best thing about pie day is the multitudes of pie. Yes, cornbread stuffing is awesome, but follow ham and cornbread stuffing with pie — pumpkin, strawberry-rhubarb, cherry, pecan, apple, Dutch apple, sweet potato — and whipped topping and it’s a glorious day.
Add in all-day football and it truly is Nirvana.
However, I digress. Yes, I love pie. No, I can’t believe it’s almost pie day again.
Where did my summer go to? I don’t recall there being much of one, that’s for sure. What was there, maybe a week for summer is all? I mean, in North Dakota summer is only a week long because, well, it’s cold most of the time, but this is southwest Kansas. We did have a summer, right?
I vaguely remember Dodge City Days. I think I was in a food coma due to barbecue contest judging and other treats.
I can recall eating food at Prime on the Nine, Guymon-Petro and Firesides at Boot Hill Casino. All three had great food and I was happy to try it.
Wait, I’m beginning to realize a lot of my life revolves around food. Some of my favorite shows are on Food Network. I realize this and I’m OK with it. After all, Prime on the Nine has the Mango-Habanero chicken wings I had more than 2 years ago and searched for ever since.
So yeah, I love food. I admit it. Heck I don’t indulge in alcohol any more (thanks to Bill W.), so I’m addicted to barbecue and Mango-Habanero sauce on chicken wings. That’s some good tasting stuff.
I digress again. Sorry.
Maybe my inability to stay focused on the task at hand is the reason 2017 seems to be flying past. I love spring — the rebirth of all things and the return of killer sinus pressure. I also enjoy summer (it’s warm) and fall (hard freeze, sinus pressure relieved).
But winter? I wish there was a fast forward button to my life. I would slow motion Thanksgiving and Christmas, my anniversary and my birthday. That’s 4 days out of 4 months. Those 4 months would blast by.
Except for NFL days and the playoffs. I have to see the NFL playoffs. Oh, and the Super Bowl. Crap, now my point is being watered down.
OK, for November through February, there should be a button to eliminate many of those dates because they’re short, cold days with no NFL or special meaning. I believe this is possible. After all, we have daylight savings time.
Oh well, I guess the smart thing to do (like I’ve ever done the smart thing) is to hunker down with my wife and Bubba the rottweiler. Lose myself in new TV shows and sports events and good books and try not to venture anywhere buy work for 4 months.
That way I won’t have to deal with Jingle Bells before Halloween or Christmas ads throughout pie day activities.
Of course, I know how to slow time down, I just haven’t mentioned it yet. Remember, when children can’t believe it’s taking Christmas so long to arrive?
December 15 is the release date for Star Wars: The Last Jedi. I said it. I can feel time grinding to a halt as I await a date in December.
Yes, I just showed my inner geek and I’m proud of it. After all, I need to stop time and I could use all the time I can get for pie day.
Roger Bluhm is the managing editor for the Dodge City Daily Globe. Follow him on Twitter @roger_dcglobe or email him a firstname.lastname@example.org.