You can’t get a group of people together lately without someone mentioning “Lost.”

You can’t get a group of people together lately without someone mentioning “Lost.”

This can be troublesome because, if you’re like me, you haven’t seen a single episode in the show’s six seasons  — and you have inappropriately long hair for a guy.

Trying to understand the plot of  “Lost” is as easy as doing as Sudoku puzzle without using numbers. I can’t comprehend what was going on at that island any more than I can understand why the last TV show I saw that featured an island ended with the Harlem Globetrotters slam-dunking Gilligan to beat a team of robot basketball players.

So when my friends talked about their “Lost” theories before Sunday’s finale, I had to counter with my thoughts on other TV cliffhangers.

Friend: What is the significance of the island?

Me: I know who shot J.R.

Since all the talk would spoil the series for my anyway, I decided to watch the final episode Sunday. So here are my questions, critiques and the things I learned from the final episode about passengers of the airplane version of the S.S. Minnow.

Question: Why didn’t Hurley lose any weight after six seasons on an island? The Skipper never lost a pound on Gilligan’s Island either. Are we supposed to believe that deserted islands in TV land include a Carls Jr.?

Critique: No show should have this much time travel without involving a DeLorean. “Lost” skips back-and-forth in time more than “Timecop 2.” (I think. I never actually saw that either.)

Question: What ever happened to Wilson? I saw “Saving Private Ryan,” and Tom Hanks would never leave a man behind. Or let a volleyball float away.

What I learned: The Smoke Monster is not at all what I pictured when people talked about it. I always thought it was kind of like the Cookie Monster but with cigarettes.

Question: So this whole thing boiled down to a plug in the floor? Has anyone told BP about that plug?

What I learned: “Lost” taught me that you don’t have to tie up loose ends or answer questions. You can just end things whenever you feel like, even if it’s right in the middle of a sente

Kevin Haas can be reached at khaas@rrstar.com or 815-987-1354 in this universe. In an alternate universe the number is 481-516-2342. Editor’s note: The alternate universe number is the “Lost” sequence of numbers. It is a fictitious number. Don’t try calling it.