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Twas the Night Before Christmas

Steve Gilliland
Special to the Globe

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even our mouse.

Seems COVID has spooked even the house-mouse this year

Now he only comes out when he knows we’re not here.

The freezer was empty and I was feelin’ the crunch

To put grub in the cupboard for dinner and lunch.

I was still in the deer blind and outside it was dark

So I gathered my gear and prepared to depart.

When out in the field there arose such a clatter

And it scared me so bad that I fell down the ladder.

I picked myself up and spun me around

And searched through the dark for the source of the sound.

And what to my wondering eyes did appear

But Santa, a sleigh and a team of reindeer.

I was truly amazed by the sight of them all

But the Jolly Ol’ Elf didn’t seem jolly at all.

He said “2020 has just been a mess

Now the batteries are dead in my darned GPS.

Rudolph had COVID and needed a break

So I’m sittin’ here wondering what route we should take.

I spilled my hot cocoa, my backs givin’ me fits

And the cookies we’re getting’ this year are the pits.

The milk’s all been sour, the chimneys not cleaned

And the dogs this year seem unusually mean.

Back home Mrs. Claus has been quarantined

So I’ve been in the barn with Rudolph and the team.

The Elves all want raises and are lazy as heck

Since they each got their government stimulus check.”

Then Santa was silent and with a heave of his chest

Said “Listen to me, I sound just like the rest.”

The way God has blessed us just boggles my brain,

Yet all I can do is gripe and complain.

Our hope’s still in Jesus and always will be

And I need to be tellin’ that to all that I see.”

On the floor of my pickup, under the mess

I found him some batteries for his dead GPS.

With a smile on his face, to his team gave a whistle

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

They circled the field till I thought he’s gone loco,

Cause’ the breeze dried his pants where he’d spilled his hot cocoa.

Then I heard him exclaim as they flew out of sight

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.